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    In the court of augustine the twelfth
    The king reprimanded his men
    And demanded they
    Put to good use all his wealth to cure his deep ennui

    For you see, he found that he was sad and lonely
    Ever since his wife, the queen, got mad and
    Rode off on his steed

    In a glen beyond the castle wall
    There was a tinker
    And he was a thinker
    The smartest man in all the world
    He made a mechanical girl

    For you see, his daughter passed away that summer
    And marie knew he could not replace her
    He missed his family

    Suddenly a knock at the door went ra-ta-ta-ta-ta
    And the kingsmen came in blowing horns ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
    “by order of his highness
    We’re to take you and that...thing
    To present your marvel to the king.”

    And so, over the land and through the castle walls
    Over the moat, and into the great castle hall
    When the master urged,
    The robot girl emerged

    When the king laid eyes upon the girl
    He was delighted
    His men all were knighted
    He yelled aloud for all the world
    “I’ll take her for my queen!”

    And the man screamed
    “please don’t take my child!
    I beg you, mighty king!”
    And he grabbed him by his tailcoat
    And threw him in the moat

    Later in their wedding bed
    The king was shocked to see
    A tender kiss upon the cheek
    Unleashed an armory
    Rocket launchers and flamethrowing guns
    Grew from her sides
    And she grew to seven times her size


    On the morn of august twenty-four
    He was dejected when lest he expected
    A knock was heard upon the door
    It was his robot girl

    For you see, he’d made her indestructible
    It seems that she destroyed that awful kingdom
    And they lived happily.

    So you see, the moral of the story is:
    Never take a child away from a loving parent
    Especially not ones who make children who shoot rockets from their eyes

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