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    Jesus was a Jewish philosopher
    Had a lot of nice ideas
    About our existential fears
    Much admired by his peers

    Short and Jewish and quite political
    Often hesitant and very analytical

    Praise be to Jesus
    Praise be to Woody Allen Jesus
    Woody...Allen...Jesus!

    Jesus was a great entertainer
    Doing cools tricks all of the time
    Turn water into wine
    Make stormy weather fine

    Even now his stunts confound us
    Kind of did what Derren Brown does

    Praise be to Jesus
    Praise be to Magic Woody Allen Jesus
    Magic...Woody...Allen...Jesus!

    Jesus died but then came back to life
    So the Holy Bible said
    Kind of like in Dawn of Dead
    Like a film by Silmon Pegg

    Try that these days, you'd be in trouble
    Geeks would try to smack you with a shovel

    Praise be to Jesus
    Praise be to Magic Woody Allen Zombie Jesus
    Magic Woody Allen Zombie Jesus!

    Jesus ascend into heaven
    He was an incredible guy
    You don't often find fellas that fly
    Desappeared right into the sky

    And only once did he use his ability
    With a great power comes great responsibility

    Praise be to Jesus
    Praise be to Magic Woody Allen Zombie Superman Jesus
    Jesus!

    Jesus' mother gave birth to him
    Without having sex with a dude
    No, she would never be that rude
    Never even being nude with the dude

    Breeding without the opposite gender is
    Commonly known as parthenogenesis
    Other animals that don't need males
    Include a lot of lizards, and various snails

    Praise be to Jesus
    Praise be to Magic Woody Allen Zombie
    Superman Komodo Dragon Jesus
    Jesus!

    Jesus can communicate with the deceased
    Like Psychic Sally
    Jesus lives forever, which is pretty odd
    But not as odd as his fetish for drinking blood
    Jesus is in more than one place at a time
    Like an electron or Schrödinger's feline
    Jesus pulled off that water walking miracle
    He was as handy as an amphibious vehicle
    Jesus had bare feet, long hair and a beard
    Look, I'm not saying it's me
    I'm not saying that I am Jesus
    I'm not saying that I am Jesus
    I am Jesus!

    Praise be to Jesus
    Praise be to Woody Allen Jesus
    Woody Allen Jesus!
    Praise be to Magic Woody Allen Zombie
    Superman Komodo Dragon Telepathic
    Vampire Quantum Hovercraft Me Jesus!

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