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    He doesn't have a problem with drugs
    He just doesn't get them
    He's fine that his mates have tattoos
    But he thinks they'll regret them
    He likes going to pubs
    But he hates it when the music's too loud
    He tends not to go to rock concerts
    Cos he can't stand the crowds

    But all he's ever wanted to be
    Is a rock star on Rage or MTV
    But he knows that it's not very likely
    He's just turned thirty
    He knows that he

    Will always be
    A rock ‘n' roll nerd
    He'll keep writing songs the world will never hear
    And though they won't be heard
    He'll just keep writing

    But you see the problem is
    He always dreamt of being a star
    But he learnt piano instead of guitar
    Which, in the nineties, didn't get you very far
    So while the other kids were learning Stairway
    He was the piano to their forte
    But he was convinced one day he'd rock their fucking asses
    And be an icon for the disenfranchised masses
    And grow his hair long and rebel against the state
    But just for now that'd have to wait
    Cos he's running late for his morning classes

    And he will always be
    A rock ‘n' roll nerd
    He'll keep playing gigs that no one knows about
    And though it sounds absurd
    He'll just keep playing

    But you see the problem is
    There's not much depth in what he's singing
    He's a victim of his upper-middle class upbringing
    So he can't write about the ‘hood or bling bling
    So he sits and imagines his girlfriend is dead
    To try and invoke some angst in his middle class head
    But the bitch is always fine
    At half past nine
    When they go to bed

    And he's not spent a single night in prison
    He has no issues with nutrition
    He has no drinking problem and no drug addiction
    Unless you count the drugs they put in chicken
    And marijuana always tends to make him cough
    He doesn't look good with his t-shirt off
    And when he tries to act tough
    You can tell he's trickin'

    While his mates
    All go out late
    Poppin' pills and having fun
    He goes home and showers
    Gets a good eight hours
    He gets his thrills from his morning run

    And while his mates
    All go on dates
    Taking speed and drinking cans of Jim Beam
    He stays home and cooks
    Curls up with a book
    With a girl he's had since he was seventeen

    Cos he's never been part of the scene
    While the other kids liked Guns N' Roses, he liked Queen
    He's more into Beatles than the Stones
    He's more Stevie Wonder than Ramones
    And he's never owned a Transit van
    He's never shot a Pantera fan
    He doesn't know the difference between metal and thrash
    He couldn't tell you nothing about Axl and Slash
    He likes Ben Folds and the Jackson Five
    He knows all the words to Staying Alive
    And though he wants to be all grungy and cool
    He spent eleven years in a private school

    So it don't matter how he tries
    He cannot hide behind his rock ‘n' roll lies
    Because you've either got it or you don't
    Yeah you'll either rock it or you won't
    Yeah you've either got it or you don't
    Yeah you'll either rock it or you won't

    He knows that his music lacks depth but it just can't be helped
    He has nothing interesting to say so he writes about himself
    But he doesn't want to see self-obsessed so he writes in third person
    In an attempt to seem more rock ‘n' roll but he suspects it's not working

    Deep in he his heart he knows he
    Will never be Bono or Bowie
    And even if he was quite pretty
    And wrote songs like Kiley
    He knows that he

    Will always be
    A rock ‘n' roll nerd
    He'll keep writing songs the world don't care about
    And though they won't be heard
    He'll just keep writing
    You can criticise him
    But he won't care
    Cos he wants to rock
    And he will never be deterred
    But he'll always be a fucked-up, little, try-hard, wannabe rock ‘n' roll nerd

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