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    If You Really Loved Me
    If you really loved me the way you say you do
    If you love me half as much as I love you
    You would pluck a planet from the sky
    You’d use a star to dot the “i”
    In I love you… that is what you’d do
    You’d take a cloudy sky and you would paint it blue
    If you loved me unconditionally
    It’s the very least you’d do for me

    You know I need you
    Like a fish needs the sea
    Like a fire needs oxygen
    Like a flower needs a bee
    But if you really care for me
    You’d let me video you while you wee
    Standing up in the bath, I shouldn’t even have to ask
    Perhaps you’ll even store a little more in a flask
    These are just the things that people do
    When their love for one another is true
    Doo doo doo

    We go together
    Like a cracker and Brie
    Like racism and ignorance
    Like niggers and R&B
    But if you really want to show you care
    You’d let me wear your underwear
    When we go to your mum’s, for a bit of harmless fun
    I just like talking about your childhood with lace between my buns
    There’s no reason for a big to-do
    If your love for me is really truly true

    We go together
    Like a bird and a nest
    Like Internet and kiddie-porn
    Like guns and the US
    And if you love me like you say you do
    You’d purchase thirty cockatoos
    And teach them to fly… in formation in the sky
    And shit the words “Tim is God” on my ex-girlfriend’s Hyundai
    Sure, it might be easier with doves
    But shirking challenges is not what love

    Is all about
    Love is not all wine and roses
    Sometimes it’s handcuffs and cheese
    No-one said love is for free
    And if you acknowledge that
    You’d sing me Bible stories wearing nothing but your Bob the Builder hat
    To the tune of waltzing Matilda
    I just love the combination of Islam, nationalism and builder

    Because I need you
    Like a tick needs a tock
    Like bananas need pyjamas
    Like a nun needs cock
    But if you want to put your love for me first
    You wouldn’t go through childbirth
    You’d agree to adopt so that you could stay thin
    We’ll get a Chinese kid, it could teach us Mandarin
    And communists don’t make as much noise
    And they’re really good at sharing their toys

    Because I dig you
    Like an Aussie digs pies
    Like Born-Agains dig Jesus
    Like Jesus dug guys

    And if you love me unconditionally
    You’d do my tax return for me
    Cos it’s way overdue, and I just don’t know,
    I guess I’m self-employed but do I still pay as I go?
    And does the threshold apply to me?
    And should I register for GST
    And if you love me unconditionally
    You’ll let me video you while you wee?
    Assuming there’s nothing worth watching on TV

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    Todas as letras de Tim Minchin

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