If I'd known it was all in vain

I wouldn't have gotten up just to fall again

How could I trust myself when

I've never been right about anything and

Always hanging by a thread?

Feeling so fucking inadequate

What is real?

I can't tell the difference

Between dreams and reality

And my own thoughts and the voice I hear

If the mind's an endless sea

I'm about to drown in it

I don't recognize the voice in my head

Is it even me or is it somebody else?

It's breathing down my neck

Watching every move, every single step

Is it guilt? Is it regret?

Or something else I cannot shake?

If I had known it was all in vain

I'd never bothered trying

It would be so much easier

To numb myself and live in ignorance

Instead of drowning in self-contempt

Watching myself decay

I don't recognize the voice in my head

Is it even me or is it somebody else?

I keep telling myself that I've been here before

Even though I know

It is a whole new low