I don’t want no h.i.v.
I don’t want no bullets inside of me
I don’t want no d.w.i.
I don’t want satan sticking that fork in my big eye

I don’t need no driveby in front of my crib
I don’t need your father to find out what I did
Last night with you baby in the back of that cab
In fact I don’t even want to meet your dad

I need a bullet-proof-body-rubber-evil-shielding-device
Something that’ll let me park my car
When I’m fucked up in the middle of the night
I need a bullet-proof-body-rubber-evil-shielding-device
Something that’ll let me park my car
When I’m fucked up in the middle of the night
Call you up the next day and act real nice

I don’t want to live on the mean streets of Chicago
I don’t want you to call me Bobo
I don’t need to watch t.v. twenty four hours a day
I don’t need some motherfucking ad exec trying to tell me what to say

I need a little more gravy on my potato
I need a little more pepper on my big ole pink tomato
I need a little more treble in my stereo
I need a little more blonde in my haireeeooo

I need a bullet-proof-body-rubber-evil-shielding-device
Something that’ll let me park my car
When I’m fucked up in the middle of the night
I need a bullet-proof-body-rubber-evil-shielding-device
Something that’ll let me park my car
When I’m fucked up in the middle of the night
Call you up the next day and act real nice

I need a risk free money back guarantee
Don’t need no problems hounding me
I need to make sure my girlfriend’s not got mafia ties
Don’t need nobody coming after me
I need to make sure that I keep my door locked try to keep my gun stocked try to keep it cocked try to keep it from firing