One Two One, two, three, four Five learned scholars were each paid a dollar to see if they could find out something new but they met with some resistance for accordin' to the distance they noticed things got smaller or they grew
A ship far out at sea looked no bigger than a flea relatively speaking of its size so they thought it more effective to eliminate perspective as all they had to do was close their eyes
Having thus removed illusion they were thrown into confusion for they found the darkness painful to their shins so it met with their approval to order the removal of everything from elephants to pins
A passion in them burned they left no worm unturned they flattened all the bumps to fill in holes and from Leicester to East Anglia made continents rectangular and evenly distributed the poles
But still it was no use from their sponsors came abuse along with threats of "not a penny more!" so in exasperation they proclaimed imagination the novelty they'd all been searching for
The five of them sat drinkin' all alone amongst their thinkin' but of the gab sadly each still had the gift and so with each uncorkin' the wine did all the talkin' and as each one held forth, each one came fifth
And long into the night they argued wrong and right 'til death itself called out "last orders please," so the five learned scholars sang a song for five dollars and left this life upon their hands and knees.