I am a dull and simple lad
Cannot tell water from champagne
and I have never met the Queen
And I wish I could have all he has got -
I wish I could be like David Watts
And when I lie on my pillow at night
I dream I could fight like David Watts
And lead the school team to victory
Take my exams and pass the lot

He is the head boy at the school
He is the captain of the team
His is so gay and fancy free
And I wish I could have all the money he's got
I wish I could be like David Watts

And all the girls in the neighbourhood
Try to go out with David Watts
The try their best but can't succeed