Holland is ruled by midgets
The Pope owns CBS
The subway cars have been equipped with bars
And they're cloning Rudolph Hess

Samantha Fox has gone frigid
The President's painted green
Jesus Christ has been frozen in ice
But he still makes the scene

Everybody wants to know what gives
But I know where the Tarantula lives

Jim Bakker got eaten by wombats
The Fever's spread to town
Ol' Doris Day has been taken away
Has anybody seen my downs?

Popeye got killed in combat
Donny and Marie went punk
B.F. Skinner has eaten my dinner
There's a body in that trunk

Everybody wants to know what gives
But I know where the Tarantula lives

Uncle Bob caught fire
The protesters are on strike
Mr. Green Jeans is acting obscene
'Cause his Jello has been spiked

Honesty is a liar
The truth is in the sink
Auntie Bess says "I must confess
Now what do you all think?"

Everybody wants to know what gives
But I know where the Tarantula lives
(x3)

(I know where)

Everybody wants to know what gives
But I know where the Tarantula lives