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    Hey, can we have your autograph?
    My autograph?
    I'm nobody
    But wait a minute

    I've got 36 expressions
    Sweet as pie to tough as leather
    And that's six expressions more
    Than all the Barrymores put together
    Only six?

    Instead of kicking me
    I don't think they give me a lift
    I think it's a plot
    'Cause they're scared that I got
    Such a gift, I'm miffed

    'Cause I'm the greatest star
    I am by far, but nobody knows it
    Wait, they're gonna hear a voice
    A silver flute
    They'll cheer each toot
    When I expose it

    Can't you see the look at me
    That I'm a natural Camille?
    As Camille I just feel
    I have so much to offer
    I know I'll be divine because
    I'm a natural cougher

    Some ain't got it, not a lump
    She a great big clump of talent
    Laugh, they'll bend in half

    Did I tell the story about the traveling salesman?
    A thousand laughs
    Stick around for 'em folks
    A thousand faces, I reiterate
    When you're gifted
    Then you're gifted

    These are facts, I have no axe to grind
    Hey, what are they blind
    In all of the world so far
    I'm the greatest star

    Who is the pip with pizazz?
    Who is all ginger and jazz?
    Who is as glamorous as?

    Who's an American beauty rose
    With that American beauty nose
    And ten American beauty toes

    Eyes on the target and wham
    One shot, one gun shot and bam
    Hey, world, here I am!

    I'm the greatest star
    I am by far
    But nobody knows it
    That's why I was born
    I'll blow my horn
    'Till somebody hears it

    I'll light up like a light
    Right up like a light
    I'll flicker and flare up
    All the world's gonna stare up
    Looking down
    You'll never see me
    Try the sky
    'Cause that'll be me

    I can make 'em cry
    I can make 'em sigh
    Someday they'll clamor
    For my dram-er

    Have you guessed yet
    Who's the best yet
    If you ain't I'll tell you one more time
    You bet yer last dime
    In all the world so far
    She's the greatest, greatest

    Funny, life is far from sunny
    When the laugh is over
    And the jokes on you
    Well, a girl's gotta have a sense of humor
    That's one things you really needs for sure
    When you're a funny girl
    The fellow said "A funny girl"
    Funny, how it ain't so funny girl

    They're the luckiest people in the world
    With one person, one very special person
    A feeling deep in your soul says
    You were half, now you're whole
    No more hunger and thirst
    But first be a person who needs people
    People who need people
    Are the luckiest people in the world

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