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    And if one day I should become
    A singer with a Spanish bum
    Who sings for women of great virtue
    I'd sing to them with a guitar
    I borrowed from a coffee bar
    Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you
    My name would be Antonio
    And all my bridges I would burn
    And when I gave them some they'd know
    I'd expect something in return
    I'd have to get drunk every night
    And talk about virility
    With some old grandmother
    That might be decked out like a christmas tree
    And though pink elephants I'd see
    Though I'd be drunk as I could be
    Still I would sing my song to me
    About the time they called me "Jacky"

    If I could be for only an hour
    If I could be for an hour every day
    If I could be for just one little hour
    Cute in a stupid ass way

    And if I joined the social whirl
    Became procurer of young girls
    Then i would have my own bordellos
    My record would be number one
    And I'd sell records by the ton
    All sung by many other fellows
    My name would then be handsome Jack
    And I'd sell boats of opium
    Whisky that came from Twickenham
    Authentic queers
    And phony virgins
    If I had banks on every finger
    A finger in every country
    And every country ruled by me
    I'd still know where I'd want to be
    Locked up inside my opium den
    Surrounded by some china men
    I'd sing the song that I sang then
    About the time they called me "Jacky"

    If I could be for only an hour
    If I could be for an hour every day
    If I could be for just one little hour
    Cute in a stupid ass way

    Now, tell me, wouldn't it be nice
    That if one day in paradise
    I'd sing for all the ladies up there
    And they would sing along with me
    And we be so happy there to be
    Cos' down below is really nowhere
    My name would then be Junipher
    Then I would know where I was going
    And then I would become all knowing
    My beard so very long and flowing
    If I became deaf, dumb and blind
    (was: If I could play deaf, dumb and blind)
    Because I pitied all mankind
    And broke my heart to make things right
    I know that every single night
    When my angelic work was through
    The angels and the Devil too
    Would sing my childhood song to me
    About the time they called me "Jacky"

    If I could be for only an hour
    If I could be for an hour every day
    If I could be for just one little hour
    Cute in a stupid ass way

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