I'm the man you thought I'd never be
The boy who you reduced to tears
The lad called 'thingy' for six whole years
Yeah that's right, my name's Bob
The one who landed the popstar's job
The one who you told 'look don't touch'
The kid who wouldn't amount to much
Well I'm here and you're still there
With your fake sportscar and receding hair
Dodgy Farah trousers that you think are smart
Married to the woman that teaches art
Married to the life, married to the school
I want to sing and dance sir, now who's the fool?
Sing and dance? You thought I was barmy
'Settle down thingy, join the army!'
And who are you to tell me this?
The dream I want I'll have to miss
Sir is God, he's been given the right
To structure lives overnight
Now I know life's true path
Tanks and guns, that'll be a laugh
No, not me. I'm a mega civilian.
I won't lead my life riding pillion
But thanks for the advice and I'm sure it'll do
For the negative dickheads just like you
As for now, I've a different weapon
Stage and screen is about to beckon
And here I sit in first class
Bollocks sir, kiss my ass