Therapy sessions since the age of seven - a familiar dysfunction. Only 21 going on 11, when his loving arms became a truncheon. Well she can act cute or she can act coy - the tantrums turn up uninvited; she's playing with needles 'cos she's bored of her toys - oh it's so hard to get excited.

Misunderstood and overfed on mummy's pills and daddy's bread - Los Angelenos from hell, you're doing very well.

A telephone voice that keeps us all sweet, but there's always a call that's waiting. She's pulling faces across the room as she speaks, as if it's all so irritating.

[CHORUS]

Bubblegum for brains, she's getting silicone chest pains – she don't look quite so young after all that holidaying in the sun.

You just need an agent to make you a star - you know that the awards are waiting. Behind tinted windows of American cars, you'll make interesting conversation.