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Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone

Ray Stevens

Blue Cyclone, Oooh...
Well my wife went out of town 'bout a year or so back
And left me at home by myself to bach
And after five straight nights of T.V. I was ready to scream.
So I called up this beer drinkin' buddy of mine
I said, "Bill, I ain't havin' a real good time."
He said, "Why don't we go to the wrasslin' matches and let off
a little steam?"
The main event was the Spider from parts unknown
With his trusty partner, the Blue Cyclone.
They was takin' on a team that never had been beat.
Now I'd never seen the matches before
And the crowd was backed up plum out the door,
But me an' ol' Bill lucked out and got ringside seats.
Well then they rang the bell and all Hell broke loose
My legs was shakin' like a rubber goose
I'd never seen anything like this, not even in the war!
The Cyclone put the Vulture in an airplane spin
then he body slammed him, and he did it again
I swear I didn't see how thal old boy could take much more.
It was right about then in the thick of things
My buddy Bill threw a chair in the ring
And I knew we'd better be headin' for the door.
'Cause I saw the Cyclone lookin' at us
And he was rubbin' his head and he started to cuss
And I knew if he caught us he'd break Bill's neck for sure.
Well, where we parked wasn't too far
And Bill ran so fast he beat me to the car,
Locked the doors and wasn't about to let anyone in.
And I turned around and the Cyclone was there
And he said, "Hey punk, you forgot your chair!"
And by the look in his eyes, I knew that this was the end.
Then he body slammed me two or three times
And he put his arms around me from behind
Then he piledrived me right there in the hard concrete.
Broke both my arms and three of my ribs
It's the closest I've ever come to being killed
And that's the last thing I remember 'fore he put me to sleep
Blue Cyclone,Blue Cyclone, Oooh...
Well, I woke up in a hospital bed just thinkin'
I believe I coulda took him if I hadn't been drinkin'
So the next time we meet, I won't be on no binge
'Cause I hadn't been the same since we had that fight
And I see that Cyclone in my dreams at night
And I'll never be sastified 'til I get revenge.
So I called up Bill and told him my plan
And all he said was, "Right on, man!
I'd do the same durn thing if it'd been me.
It all happened so quick when that car door slammed,
It musta broke something, 'cause the door locks jammed.
You was already down, he's gone time I got free."
Bill said, "Since yer thinkin' 'bout takin' him again,
I know two ol' boys who weigh 210.
They'd take on a grizzly with a switch in the woods at night."
Well, we talked it over, they said they's willin'
They'd stop at nothing, short of killin'.
Said "Hoss, we'll back you as long as you wanna fight."
So we all went down to the 'Hammerlock Bar'
The hangout of all the wrasslin' stars
And waited for the Blue Cyclone to hit the door.
Well, after a while, he finally appeared,
Sat down at the bar, and ordered a beer
And he barely took a sip 'fore I stepped to the middle of the floor.
I yelled, "Hey Cyclone! Remember me?
I'm the guy you put to sleep,
Only this time, you can see I'm not alone. Ha ha.
You see them two big dudes over there?"
The Cyclone looked and said, "Over where?"
And I turned around, I'm a son of a gun, they was gone!
Well, the Cyclone looked at me and ginned
He said, "Okay punk, here we go again.
Seems to me that some guys never learn."
And then he waded through them tables and chairs,
Put a full-nelson on me, and grabbed my hair,
And when he threw me to the floor, I was starting to get concerned.
The next thing I remember, they was carryin' me in
And the doctor said, "Oh no, you again?"
I said, "Doctor, how long you thing it'll be this time?"
He said, "Boy, if you don't leave the Cyclone alone,
one of these days, you ain't goin' home!
You'll need the undertaker's services, not mine."
Blue Cyclone,
He's the meanest wrestler the ring has ever known
He'll make you groan, he'll make you moan,
He'll lay you prone and break your bones
Blue Cyclone
The Blue Cyclone

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