I’d like to say a few words In defense of our country Whose people aren’t bad nor are they mean Now the leaders we have While they’re the worst that we’ve had Are hardly the worst this poor world has seen
Let’s turn history’s pages, shall we?
Take the Caesars for example Why within the first few of them They were sleeping with their sister Stashing little boys in swimming pools And burning down the City And one of ‘em, one of 'em Appointed his own horse Consul of the Empire That’s like vice president or something
That’s not a very good example, is it?
But wait, here’s one, the Spanish Inquisition They put people in a terrible position I don’t even like to think about it
Well, sometimes I like to think about it
Just a few words in defense of our country Whose time at the top Could be coming to an end Now we don’t want their love And respect at this point is pretty much out of the question But in times like these We sure could use a friend
Hitler. Stalin. Men who need no introduction
King Leopold of Belgium. That’s right. Everyone thinks he’s so great Well he owned The Congo He tore it up too He took the diamonds, he took the gold He took the silver Know what he left them with?
A President once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" Now it seems like we’re supposed to be afraid It’s patriotic in fact and color coded And what are we supposed to be afraid of? Why, of being afraid That’s what terror means, doesn’t it? That’s what it used to mean
[To the first eight bars of "Columbia The Gem Of The Ocean"]
You know it pisses me off a little That this Supreme Court is gonna outlive me A couple of young Italian fellas and a brother on the Court now too But I defy you, anywhere in the world To find me two Italians as tightass as the two Italians we got
And as for the brother Well, Pluto’s not a planet anymore either
The end of an empire is messy at best And this empire is ending Like all the rest Like the Spanish Armada adrift on the sea We’re adrift in the land of the brave And the home of the free