It nails you right down to your seat
The very opposite of wild and free
If you′ve never been swept off your feet (yes, this place)
This place is like quicksand
Ever felt like you're going somewhere?
Strange glue′s got you fixed to the chair
Like a tiger cub stuck in a snare
This place is like quicksand

Birmingham's Venice, Glasgow's Detroit
Bridlington′s Prague by the Sea
Sun′s high in sky on English Riviera
The whole world is drinking with me

Between the jukebox and ladies loos
A crazy path nobody would choose
We're on a once in a lifetime cruise
This place is like quicksand

Sure, I′ve been to this place before
Keep peeping in the same old door
Keep sticking to the same old floor (yes, this place)
This place is like quicksand

I'm sat next to the very same bloke
Who′s telling me the very same joke
Barman has to give me a poke
This place is like quicksand

Coventry's Paris, Bristol′s Madrid
Southend's our own Saint-Tropez
I've been to every one but only in spirit
And we′re drinking our way there today

Between the jukebox and ladies loos
A crazy path nobody would choose
We′re on a once in a lifetime cruise
This place is like quicksand

"We're Laurence Fox′s, we're right, " said Fred′s
Devoid of soul, but high on meds
Buy your shoes from Benson's for Beds
This place is like quicksand

We′re fuckwits, we're idiots
But God, we're strong
Our feet are stuck, but our reach is long
We′re trapped and scared, but we′re singing this song
This place is like quicksand

Between the jukebox and ladies loos
A crazy path nobody would choose
We're on a once in a lifetime cruise
This place is like quicksand