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I Am Not Afraid

Owen Pallett


I am not afraid, ze said, of the non-believer within me
No delight at the pain of my enemies
No tears for any friends I have lost
You are not alone, I said
It is a trial to keep my belief suspended
I leave my violin unattended in a cab or a restaurant
And then when ze started to sing
Nobody could've called them crazy
Open chord forever unchanging, holy eternal drone

I'll never have any children
I'd bear them and eat them, my children
I'm gonna change my body in the light
And the shadow of suspicion
I am no longer afraid
The truth doesn't terrify us, terrify us
My salvation is found in discipline, discipline

I haven't had a smoke in years
But I will catch a drag if you are smoking
They told me to chew on a toothpick
They told me to take a deep breath
What is better is to punch a wall
To bin the boxes of your old love letters
To be impassive to the words that could save you
To need to see the world as ash

And I'll never have any children
I would bear them and confuse them, my children
And I'm not at all afraid of changing
But I don't know what good it would do me
I am no longer afraid; the truth doesn't terrify us, terrify us
My salvation is found in discipline, discipline

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