• 																					JACK
    Listen, there were objects so peculiar
    They were not to be believed
    All around, things to tantalize my brain

    It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen
    And as hard as I try
    I can't seem to describe
    Like a most improbable dream

    But you must believe when I tell you this
    It's as real as my skull and it does exist
    Here, let me show you

    This is a thing called a present
    The whole thing starts with a box

    DEVIL
    A box?
    is it steel?

    WEREWOLF
    Are there locks?

    HARLEOUIN DEMON
    Is it filled with a pox?

    DEVIL, WEREWOLF, HARLEQUIN DEMON
    A pox
    How delightful, a pox

    JACK
    If you please
    Just a box with bright-colored paper
    And the whole thing's topped with a bow

    WITCHES
    A bow?
    But why?
    How ugly
    What's in it?
    What's in it?

    JACK
    That's the point of the thing, not to know

    CLOWN
    It's a bat
    Will it bend?

    CREATURE UNDER THE STAIRS
    It's a rat
    Will it break?

    UNDERSEA GAL
    Perhaps it s the head that I found in the lake

    JACK
    Listen now, you don't understand
    That's not the point of Christmas land

    Now, pay attention
    Now we pick up an oversized sock
    And hang it like this on the wall

    MR. HYDE
    Oh, yes! Does it still have a foot?

    MEDIUM MR. HYDE
    Let me see, let me look

    SMALL MR. HYDE
    Is it rotted and covered with gook?

    JACK
    Hmm, let me explain
    There's no foot inside, but there's candy
    Or sometimes it's filled with small toys

    MUMMY AND WINGED DEMON
    Small toys

    WINGED DEMON
    Do they bite?

    MUMMY
    Do they snap?

    WINGED DEMON
    Or explode in a sack?

    CORPSE KID
    Or perhaps they just spring out
    And scare girls and boys

    MAYOR
    What a splendid idea
    This Christmas sounds fun
    Why, I fully endorse it
    Let's try it at once

    JACK
    Everyone, please now, not so fast
    There's something here that you don't quite grasp
    Well, I may as well give them what they want

    And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last
    For the ruler of this Christmas land
    Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice
    Least that's what I've come to understand

    And I've also heard it told
    That he's something to behold
    Like a lobster, huge and red
    And sets out to slay with his rain gear on
    Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms
    That is, so I've heard it said

    And on a dark, cold night
    Under full moonlight
    He flies into a fog
    Like a vulture in the sky
    And they call him Sandy Claws

    Well, at least they're excited
    Though they don't understand
    That special kind of feeling in Christmas land
    Oh, well...

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