A fine romance with no kisses
A fine romance my friend this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're cold as yesterday's mashed potatos

A fine romance you won't nestle
A fine romance you won't wrestle
I might as well play bridge with my old maid aunts

I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance
A fine romance with no kisses
A fine romance my fried this is

You're calmer than the seals in the arctic ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion
A fine romance, with no clinches
A fine romance with no pinches

You're just as hard to land as the ill de france
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance
I don't need a moon to look, a tune from violin
Here with you, I need a book

And tons of aspirin
Socially you must remember me
I seem to be the stranger on whose knee you sat
This great love.. the love I'm speaking of
I've got it up to hear my dear & that is that

A fine romance, my dear dutchess
2 old fogies, who need crutches
True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has
We don't have half the thrills the march of time has

A fine romance my good woman
My strong aged in the woods woman
You never give the orchids I send a glance,
No you like cactus plants

This is a fine romance
You've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pants
I just don't stand a chance
This is a fine romance