Edgar
Never bet the devil your head
When I was an infant
My mother treated me like a tough steak
To her well regulated mind
Babies were the better for beatings
But she was left handed
And a child flogged left handed
Is better left unflogged
The world revolves from right to left
It will not do to whip a baby from left to right
If each blow in the right direction
Drives an evil propensity out
A blow in the opposite direction
Knocks it's quota of wickedness in

Hence my precocity in vice
My sensitivity to injuries
The thousands of injuries heaped upon me by Fortunato
And then finally his rabid insults for which I vowed revenge

I gave no utterance to threat
But the knowledge of " avengemenship"
Was so definite so precise
That no risk could befall me
By neither word
Nor deed had I given cause to doubt my good will
I would punish with impunity
I will fuck him up the ass and piss in his face
I will redress the wrong
But lips and psyche
Mind be silent
Fortunato approaches

Fortunato
Don't take me to task
For loving a cask
The cask of Amontillado
Please don't make a pass
You can go kiss my ass
All I want is this mythical cask
The cask of Amontillado
I've heard so much through the grapevine
I've heard so much on the line
But the one thing that I lust after
Is the one thing i've never had
So is it too much to ask
Too have just one taste of the cask
Why you could go kiss my ass for the cask
Of Amontillado

Edgar old fellow
Dear bosom friend
Hail fellow well met
Oh great elucidator
Great epopee

Edgar
Haha
Fortunato what luck to meet you
What good good luck to meet
You and see you looking so splendid
I have received a cask of Amontillado
Or what passes
For Amontillado

Fortunato
Amontillado
That most wondrous sherry
A cask
Impossible
How
So rare

Edgar
I've had my doubts
I was silly enough to pay the full price
Without consulting you in the matter
But you were not to be found
And I was fearful of losing a bargain

Fortunato
Fearfully stupid if you ask me Edgar

Edgar
I am on my way to see Mr. Bolo

Fortunato
A cask

Edgar
A cask
To gather his opinion
Are you engaged

Fortunato
Mr. Bolo cannot tell Amontillado from goat's milk

Edgar
Yet some say his taste is a match for your own

Fortunato
Hardly, dear boy
Let us go

Edgar
Where

Fortunato
To your vaults to the supposed Amontillado

Edgar

Oh my good friend no
I could not impose upon your good nature
You have, after all, an engagement

Fortunato
To hell with the engagement
I have no engagement
Before the sky withers and falls let us go

Edgar
But the vaults are damp
And I see you are afflicted with a severe cold

Fortunato
Oh let us go
The cold is nothing
You've been taken advantage of
And Mr. Bolo cannot tell Amontillado from piss
The cask

Edgar
It is farther on
But see the white web work
Which gleams from these cavern walls

Fortunato
Nitre
Nitre

Edgar
How long have you had that cough
Yes, nitre

Fortunato
It is nothing

Edgar
We should go back
Your health is precious
You are a man who would be missed

Fortunato
[coughing]

Edgar
Let's return
I cannot be responsible for causing you ill health
And anyway there's always Mr. Bolo

Fortunato
Oh be dumb i'll not be swayed
The cough is nothing
It will not kill me
I won't die of a cough

Edgar
Of that you can be sure
Have some of this Medoc to warm the bones
And defend you from this infernal dampness
Drink
Drink damn you

Fortunato
I drink to the buried that repose around us

Edgar
And I to your long life
The nitre
It hangs like moss
We are below the river's bed
The moisture trickles, chills the bones
Let's go back
Your cough

Fortunato
The cough is nothing
But
Let us proceed to the Amontillado

Edgar
So proceed
Herein the Amontillado
Now Mr. Bolo

Fortunato
Mr. Bolo is an imbecile
An ignoramus

Edgar
Can you not feel the nitre
You really should go
I implore you
No
Then I must leave you here
But first
Let me render you all the little attentions within my power

Fortunato
The Amontillado
Hahahaha
A very good joke indeed, haha
We will have many a rich laugh about it
Over our wine in the palazzo

Edgar
The Amontillado

Fortunato
Yes, yes yes
The Amontillado

Edgar
Well
Then let's go

Fortunato
For, for the love of God

Edgar
Precisely
For the love of God
Fortunato
Fortunato