Oh Jesus, brenda! Let me tell you that
This cabaret show I saw last night
My God, what a piece of campy trash
The lights, then this drag queen, I forgot her name
Jinkx Monsuner, I don't know

Comes out, raggedy hair, gory makeup, slutty outfit.
She was the worst and
Her piano player give me a headache
This girl was all comedy and no glamuour
I tell you, it's one of the biggest pieces of crap
I ever had to endure

I'd like to propose a toast!
Here's to the ladies in drag, everybody clap
Covered in makeup to hide all our sags
Spilling cocktails in our laps
Off to a show or to a party; worrying we're fat
And looking low, while sipping Bacardi; adjusting our hat
Cause let's face it, does anyone but
A drag queen still wear a hat?

I'll drink to that
And here's to the girls
Who stay smart, aren't they a gas?
Rushing to their classes in
Performance art, knowing they won't pass
Another long, exhausting night
The drag scene can be risky
You lose a heel, get in a fight; thank
God for cheap well whiskey
I'll drink to that
And one for Rupaul

And here's to the girls who wear crowns
Aren't we too much (ha, ha, ha)
Running around in our high heels
And gowns, thinking we're too much
The ones who follow the rules; and use
The appropriate tools, too gorgeous to care if we're fools
Aren't they a gem? I'll drink to them!
Yes, I'll drink to them!

And here's to the girls who just watch, aren't they the best?
When they get depressed it's a bottle of scotch, plus a little jest
Another chance to disapprove, another brilliant singer
Another reason not to move, another vodka stinger
I'l drink to that!

And here's to the girls on the show, everybody tries
Look into our eyes and you'll see
What we know, everybody dies!
A toast to the invincible crew!
The divas in size 15 shoes
Let's hear it for the girls with up-dos
Everybody rise! Rise! Rise!