I'm gettin' tired of being Legendary and broke And I'm too damn weird To hold no straight job My checkbook's feelin' unfulfilled Being an old underground die-hard Won't pay the kids' dental bills
My dad sez I Gotta learn to compromise So I figure now's about that time Now that I've run out of things to say That alone will make my music pay
Buy my snakeoil I used to be so angry I ain't gettin' any younger Now I'm eager to please
C'mon and buy my snake oil Til my well runs stinking dr7 I'll be your Rondo Hatton I'll be your Dwight Frye Get mighty jealous watchin' My old roomates gettin' signed The world owes me a living I want my taste of the pie
Woh-oh oh-oh Buy my snake oil
Meet my new band: Tis, Ass and Money The most deliberately watered down Meaningless music I have ever made Sing about myself 'stead of what's goin' on Company tells me how my records should sound Do what my manager tells me to Every inch a rockin' dude
Random shuffling, same old cards Bring on the night, she done me wrong I love my weenie and I love my car Man it's such hell being a star I'll tour til you wish I'd go home Moan about my life on the road 200 overdubs to sound sincere >From now on every album sleeve's Just a great big picture of me
Buy my snake oil Critics cheer how I've matured Got top management behind me, man Phone rings like never before
"I grew up on your stuff, man It means so much to me I can hear it jinglin' now In commercials sellin' beer I got wiggle girl videos In heavy rotation If I dye my skin white enoguh I'll buy me the elephant man"
Woh-oh oh-oh Buy my snake oil
And remember You got what you pay for
And if that doesn't work I got another idea Now that I've signed on the bottom line I'll call my music "Alternative" (R) Same word those lovely people used To hype the Knack in 1980
Join the College dollar emo-jangle Spoiled white music for spoiled white people Pat those slackers on the head To stroke and profit off their fears "Yeh, man, it's OK Feel sorry for yourself all day Life sucks 'cos it ain't easy Happiness should be handed to me..."
Buy my snake oil Cleansed of vision and sense I'll bet your bottom dollar You'll let me get away with this
I'll be your pregnant junkie Help you sell cigarettes Or a lonely tortured muscle hunk That no one understands Punk without rebellion We'll call it Grunge (R) for you I'll dress just like Don Henley And sing just like him too
Down by the stream Where my babe left me I stand in my flannel shirt Looking confused A voice in the buses Says, "You got that look... I'm from Geffen Records How'd ou like a million bucks..?!?"
Oh woh woh poor pitiful me Born white in the world's richest country I can't have my way, life is so depressing Nothing's as important as me And "my" girl
And if that still doesn't work I got another idea
Give in Ride the punk nostalgia wave For all it's worth Recycle the name of my old band For a big reunion tour Sing all those "hits' from the good old days 'Bout how bad the good old days were
And the orthodox Fudamentalism faction of the crowd Will say, "Horrary!" How politically correct He's quit trying different ideas at last Obeying the same kind of stodgy rules Punk used to rebel against
Buy my snake oil This is all I've got to say Bought it once, now buy it twice Repackaged on CD
Yeh, keep on buying my snakeoil Til my well runs stinking dry I'll be your institution Until the day I die Who cares if inspiration's gone It's safe in this here stall I'll give the fans just what they want And nothing else at all
Woh-oh oh-oh oh Buy my snake oil Woh-oh oh-oh oh Buy buy buy b-b-b-buy buy My snake oil