Just one local call and you´ll see
A happy path through life, not for free
A little bit fat, you can´t get a girl
Short on cash, I´ll change your world

The only way now is straight up
Your deepest despair I´ll make it stop
Just 19,95, all major credit cards
And you´ll stay alive
And you´ll go far

In just seven short days you´ll change your life
All of your innocence found
You´ll even lose a few pounds
See yourself making a mint
Quality time with your kids
Send me your money and I´ll change your life

I know sometimes your life is a bitch
So come and purchase my easy fix
I´ve been there myself,
Sad, fat and bald
But soon with my help, you´ll have it all
I´ll build you back up for the fight
You´ll be so wound up your stomach´s tight
You´re the laugh of the party, you´ll get youself laid
Surely you´ll trust me once I´ve been paid

So many years ago
I was so low and lonely and depressed
I hadn´t left my flat in weeks
And never even bother getting dressed
And I was smoking weed and I was in a mess
And that´s when it happened
So I opened up the blinds to let the light in on my
sorry life
I dreamed about success and money, muscles, women,
cars and even wives
And they would always tend to my every need
So do you see what you can be,
Baby when you´re with me?