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    (Host Intro)
    Let's meet contestant #1
    He's a schitzophrenic serial killer clown,
    Who says women love his sexy smile.
    Let's find out if his charm will work on Sharon.
    Sharon, what's your question?

    Contestant #1, I believe first impressions last forever,
    so let's say you were to come over to my parents' house
    and have dinner with me and my family.
    Tell me what you'd do to make that first impression really stay.

    Let's see, hmm, well I'd have to think about it.
    I might show up in a tux, ha! But I doubt it.
    I'd probably just show up naked like I always do,
    and look your mama in the eye and tell her fuck you!
    Hurry up bitch I'm hungry, I smell spaghetti,
    I'd pinch her limpy ass and tell her get the food ready!
    Your dad would probably start trippin', and get me pissed.
    I'd have to walk up and bust him in his fuckin lips!
    It's dinner time, we're hearin' grace from your mother.
    I pull a 40 out and pour some for your little brother.
    I'm standing, staring at your sister, I'll tell you this,
    you know for only 13 she got some big tits!
    After that, your dad would try to jump again,
    and only this time I'd put the 40 to his chin!
    After your mom does the dishes and the silverwear,
    I'd dry fuck her 'till I nut in my underwear!!!!

    Now let's meet contestant #2,
    He's a psychopathic derranged crackhead freak
    Who works for the Dark Carnival.
    He says women call him stretch nuts.
    Sharon, let's hear your question.

    I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions.
    A man who expresses himself in his own special way.
    #2, if you fell in love with me, exactly how would you let me know?

    First thing, I could never love you.
    You sound like a richy bitch, yo fuck you!
    But if I did, I'd probably show you that I care,
    by takin all these other motha fuckers outta here!
    I'd go through your phonebook and whack 'em all,
    and find contestant #1 and break his fuckin jaw! (what)
    Anyone who looked at ya, would have to pay
    I'd be blowin' fuckin' nuggets off all day!
    Grab your titties, and stretch em down past your waist,
    let em go, and watch 'em both spring up in your face.
    I'd sing love songs to ya, the best I can,
    get ya naked and hit it like a CAVEMAN!
    Then we'd go to the beach and walk in through sand.
    I'd throw a little in your face and say I'm just playin'.
    As you spit it all out, I'll rub your back,
    grab your underwear and wedge it up your ass crack!!!!

    Well it sounds like contestant #2 is just overflowing with sensitivity Sharon,
    It's a tough choice so far,
    Sharon, let's have your last question
    And see which one is gonna win the rights to your neden.

    Ok, if we were at a dance club,
    And you both noticed me at the same time,
    Tell me, how would you each get my attention,
    and what would your pick up lines be?
    Whoever's the smoothest wins!

    Ok, first, I'd slide up to the bar,
    and tell you that I can't believe how fuckin' fat you are!
    I'd tell ya that I like the way you make your titties shake,
    And if you lost a little weight you'd look like Ricki Lake.

    Fuck,that! You'd be jackin me quick!
    I'd order you a drink, and stir it with my dick,
    and then to get your attention in a crowded place,
    I'd simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face!

    Yeah, freak her with your nuts, yeah that'll get her!

    Tell her that she's fat, yeah, that'll work even better!

    Look, fuck you, I gotta strong rap shit
    You don't want contestant #2 he's mad whack.
    I walked into a barn, and there he was,
    standing on a bucket (eeeuuugghhh) tryin' ta fuck it
    It was a big fucking smelly ass farm llama.


    How you gonna diss yo mama?

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