Now there's all sorts of medicines that you can buy
No matter what ailment you've got
But I know a special one you ought to try
You'll find it's the best of the lot
It's my Auntie Maggies home made remedy, it's guaranteed never to fail
That's the stuff that will do the trick
Its sold at every chemist for "one and a kick"
Now if you've got lumbago, rheumatics or gout, or a pain in your Robert E. Lee
Dont kick up a shindy, you'll never get windy with Auntie Maggies Remedy

If you set your alarm clock for eight in the morning
You're bound to wake up I'll agree
But I'll bet you by heaven, you'll wake up at seven
With my Auntie Maggies Remedy
In a young ladys bedroom I went by mistake
My intentions were honest you see
She shouted with laughter
"I know what youre after
It's my Auntie Maggies Remedy"

Oh my Auntie Maggies home made remedy, it's guaranteed never to fail
Thats the stuff that will do the trick
Its sold at every chemist for "one and a kick"
Now if you've got lumbago, rheumatics or gout, or a pain in your Robert E. Lee
Dont kick up a shindy, youll never get windy with Auntie Maggies Remedy
Now when the baby starts crying, theres always a reason
And if you inspect him youll see
The poor little chappy has covered his nappy
With Auntie Maggies Remedy

Now I went to a doctor, I wasn't too well
And he made me lie on a settee
He said "Theres trouble brewing, youve been overdoing
Your Auntie Maggies Remedy"
Now I know a girl who was putting on weight
In a spot where it just shouldnt be
So I said to Nellie, "Now you rub your ankle, with Auntie Maggies Remedy"