All rise and come to order Bailiff start the video recorder You've been sworn, what's your complaint? Speak up son, don't hesitate! He presided in his courtroom so long ago He was hanging cowboys for stealing buffalo Court is adjourned, for his honor's feeling ill The shaking old relic needs a glycerin pill!
Hang up your rope 'cause you're looking tired If it was up to me they'd all be fired Day after day convicting all those liars This ain't TV jail It's TV hell!
Believe it or not Those walking blood clots Make enough money for a thousand foot yacht Who in Hollywood Did they every acquit? Just senile, judicial idiots As the drama unfolds And the law he upholds If you look real close You could see him growing mold Small claims messiah Is only a pariah to be ridiculed... Objection Overruled!
All rise as he takes the bench To hear his old voice make my gut wrench Silence to those who are in his court I'm found guilty by his report No washed-up judge can say to me The shit he throws arround when he's on TV What can he fucking do, throw me in jail? I'd slap out his dentures, post them for bail!
Hang up your robe 'cause you're looking tired If it was up to me they'd all be fired Day after day convicting all those liars This ain't TV jail, it's TV hell!
You lose the case To a bigger bullshit they you today When it comes to the end You tell all of TV land what you've got to say When you're dead and gone Will they get another fossil to carry on? They must go to school To hand-pick these old fools I say to you Objection Overruled! It's all Perry Mason's fault! Cat strangling