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    (Teacher Sings) And everyone should get along..
    Ok children quiet down, quiet down
    Children i'd like to introduce your new substitute teacher for the day
    His name is Mr. Shady
    Children quite down please
    Brian don't throw that.. (SHUT UP!)
    Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while Mr. Kaniff is out with pnumonia
    (HE'S GOT AIDS!) Good luck Mr. Shady...

    (Verse 1-Eminem)
    Hi there little boys and girls
    (FUCK YOU!) Today we're going to learn how to poison squirrels
    But first, i'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)
    Say Hi Bob, ("Hi Bob") Bob's 30 and still lives with his Mom
    and he don't got a job Cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
    But his 12 year old brother looks up to him awful lot.
    And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
    and wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock
    When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
    He drag 'em in the woods and goes straight to the choppin block.
    And even if they escape and got the cops
    The ladies would be so afraid, they would drop the charge
    Till one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
    When she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
    But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
    But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker.
    Crazier than Slim Shady is off the locker
    You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a doctor
    He grabbed Stace by the leg, he chopped it off her
    And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
    But ever since the day Stacey went off the wander
    They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
    And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana,
    And what it might do to you
    So see if the squirrels want it, cause it's bad for you

    (Chorus) See children, drugs are bad
    And ff you don't believe me, ask ya Dad
    And If you don't believe him, ask ya Mom
    She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time
    So kids say no to drugs
    So you don't act like everyone else does
    And there's really nothing else to say
    Drugs are just bad mmm k...

    (Verse 2-Eminem)
    My penis is the size of a peanut, Have you seen it?
    Fuck no you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?)
    Speaking of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
    Extacy is the worst drug in the world
    If someone offers it to you, don't do it
    Kids, 2 hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
    And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
    So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in ya back
    Meet Zack, 21 years old
    After hanging around with some friends at a Frat party he gets bold,
    and decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys
    And peer pressure will win everytime you try to fight it
    Suddenly, he starts to convulse
    And his pulse goes into hyperdrive, and his eyes go back in his skull
    His back starts ta look like the McDonald's Arches
    He's on Donald's carpet, laying horizontal barfin'
    And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him
    "Hey Adam, Zack is a jackass, look at him"
    So they took it to, so they think it's funny
    So their laughin' at basically nothing
    Except maybe wastin' their money
    Meanwhile, Zack's in a coma, the action is over
    And his back and his shoulders, hunched up like he was practicin' Yoga
    And that's the story of Zack, the extacy maniac
    So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad for you

    (Repeat chorus)

    (Verse 3-Eminem) Last but not least,
    One of the most humungous problems among young people today,
    is fungus
    It grows from cow manure,
    They pick it out, wipe it off, bag it up,
    and you put it right in ya mouth and chew it...Yum Yum
    Then you start to see some dumb stuff
    And everything slows down when you eat some, of ...'em...
    And sometimes you see things that aren't there
    (Like what?) Like fat woman in g-strings with orange hair
    (Mr. Shady what's a g-string?)
    It's worn, Claire! Women stick them up their behind, and go out and wear 'em

    And if you swallow too much of the magic mushroom
    Whoops, did i say magic mushroom, i meant fungus
    Ya tongue gets all swolled up like a cow's tongue
    (How come?) Cause it comes from a cow's dump (Oh)
    See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
    But your Mom and Dad know that's all i'm good at
    (Ert) But don't be me,
    cause if ya grow up and ya go and OD
    They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee
    And get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault
    So don't do drugs, and do exactly as i don't,
    cause I'm bad for you

    (Repeat chorus)

    (Teacher & Classmates) Come on children, clap along
    (SHUT UP!) Sing along children (SUCK MY MOTHERFUCKING DICK!) Drugs are just bad,
    drugs are just bad (SOUTH PARK IS GONNA SUE ME) So don't do drugs,
    so there'll be more for me (GOD DAMNIT! MUSHROOMS KILLED KENNY)
    (Pltttt OOOO *fart noises*) la la la la!

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