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    "Can-i-bitch"
    Eminem
    "Straight From The Lab" EP
    (2003)

    [Intro]
    {in a high falsetto voice}
    Uncle Marshall!
    Will you tell us a bedtime story?
    {regular voice}
    Here we go...

    [Verse One]
    Now once upon a time not long ago
    There was a little rapper about to blow
    But his album came and it was not good
    I think it went lead or double copper wood
    So the silly little fans they were mislead
    By a nerdy Internet computer hip-hop head
    "Me and you, 'Clef, we're gonna make some cash
    Grab the silver paint and let's paint my ass"
    Hey mister, would ya care to bare witness to
    The ass-whippin' I'm about to administer
    To this little ass-kissin' vaginal blister
    'Stanabis', little Marshall Mathers' sister
    And in this corner, we have the mister
    Not havin' it, it's the mad sinister
    Dr. Evil with his bag of tricks for
    This little antagonist faggot dick-suckin'
    Ex-LL Cool J fan from Windsor
    I'm 'bout to murder little Kenny fag Kennif-sta
    You bastard I ain't wanna have to diss ya
    Cannabis, where the fuck you at? I miss ya!

    [Chorus]
    Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
    Where for art thou Can-i-bitch?
    Please tell me what happened with
    That style that you were rappin' with
    Can-i-bitch, oh Can-i-bitch
    Are you from Los Angeles,
    New York or just a janitor
    From Canada? Oh Can-i-bitch.


    Now at first I ain't really understand the shit
    Picture me for a second and imagine it
    Chillin' in a Bat-Mansion and relaxin'
    When all a sudden some bullshit comes across the scanner
    It's Can-i-bitch with some Stan Lives shit
    They greet me out at first man this is sick
    For me being just a sick disconflict
    Gets my dick harder than arithmetic
    And I know how you jealous ones envy
    I should'a knew better from the first few letters you sent me
    The first two letters you were tellin' me shit
    Like you respect me, like any other regular MC
    The third letter you ask how come I ain't return
    None of the messages at Shady Records You Left Me
    The fourth Letter: "Slim you really startin' to upset me!"
    The fifth letter told me you were comin' to get me
    The sixth threat there's a bomb threat in our building
    This crazy mother-fucker's really tryin' to kill me!
    So I went back and read the first few letters that said
    Some shit about a message you left
    Oh shit, that's not an "E" that's an "A"
    This dude wants to leave me a "massage," he's gay!!
    Right away I'm on the phone with Dr. Dre
    We got a bogey! (Marshall I'm on the way)

    [Chorus]


    So in two seconds flat Dre's at my crib
    The funny thing is we both know where this kid lives
    And neither one of us have Canadian citizenship
    Shit oh Dre wait a minute that's it
    All we gotta do is use a bit of turbo boost
    We can fly over the border "Let's go" *WOOSH!*
    So we're off to Toronto and we're gainin' speed
    *BOOSH!* (What was that?) oh Jermaine Dupre
    Fuck it, keep goin' no time to waste
    Wait, backup hit him one more time in case
    Okay .. fuck now he's draggin' under the car
    Oh well, only 30 more thousand miles
    Meanwhile me and Dre are tryin' to conversate
    Just tryin' to find a reason for the constant hate
    And tryin' to figure out what happened to 'Germaine Propaine'
    "He couldn't have fell off that hard!" ain't no way
    "What happened to the way you was rappin' when you was scandalous
    The Canibus turned into a television evangelist"
    Plus he raps with his regular voice {*BOOSH!*} {*BOOSH!*}
    {*BOOSH!*} {*BOOSH!*} (what was that?) Pet Shop Boys
    So we pull up to the bridge where he last was spotted
    His corpse was still movin' but his ass was rotted
    He kind of smelled a little like Courtney Love
    I figure if I stick him with a fork he's done
    So I stapped him twice, kept jabbin', Christ
    He won't die this guy's like a battered wife
    He's like Kim, he keeps comin' back for more
    But he won't fight back I cracked his jaw
    Hold up 'bis quit foldin' up!
    Punch me in the chest make my shoulders touch!
    DO SOMETHIN'! At least one punch line
    C'mon till the meter reads 9-9-9-9!
    Say 90 percent of my fans are blonde
    'bis c'mon answer me man respond!!!
    Tell me 'bout the sun rain moon and stars
    Intergalactical metaphors from Mars!
    Raw to the floor, raw like Reservoirs Dogs
    Bite ANOTHER line from Redman's song!
    Suddenly the stub from a dead man's arm
    from a midget reaches out from under the car.
    It's JD, this motherfucker won't die neither,
    Dre starts sprayin' him with cans of Ether
    We stomped the bitch and then stopmed the bitch again
    (Compton!) Detroit bitch talk some shit again!!
    STOMP HIM! (switch feet) STOMP HIM! (switch again!)
    Dre, alright he's dead dog, quit kickin' him!
    I think Stanabis jumped off the bridge again
    (Damn...) he disappeared, yo he's gone, he did it again!

    [Chorus]

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