This is your time
This is your day
You've waited and wondered
You've pondered and planned
Where will you stay? What would they say?
How will you get there? Where will you go?
What will they give you?
How many friends will show?
So

Happy birthday, here's to ya
Happy birthday everyone
Buy 'em a beer, give 'em a cheer
Some love and affection
A gift card, a cake and a hug

What self-respecting adult
Makes a big deal of their birthday? (Me)
It's time to simmer down and stop acting like you're ten (Excuse me?)
But we know you're a really big deal so let's get it out of the way
For you and nearly two million other important people born today

Happy birthday, here's to ya
We know all about it 'cause you told everyone (Everyone)
It's attention that you seek
It's a birthday, not a week
You're a wicked sick, sad, selfish son of a gun

Throw yourself a big old party
Rent yourself a big old hall
Send out invitations to your shitty birthday ball
Stop posting pictures and videos
You think you're so cinematic (I am)
Blow out those freaking candles and get over it
Don't be so dramatic

Happy birthday, here's to ya
Happy birthday everyone
No more beers, no more cheers
No more love and affection
No gift cards, no cakes and no hugs
Happy birthday, here's to ya
We know all about it 'cause you told everyone (Everyone)
It's attention that you seek
It's a birthday, not a week
You're a wicked sick, sad, selfish son of a gun
You're a wicked sick, sad, selfish son of a gun

Guys, get together for a picture
Come on, everybody (Boo)
We need a picture (God, will this broad get over it?)
Come on
Why is nobody listening to me? (Jesus Christ, I've had it up to here)
Get together for a picture
Here, you hold the camera
Midnight
Wrap it up please
Smile
It's not your day anymore
Okay