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    [Ratigan:] My friends, we are about to embark on the most
    odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme
    of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes,
    a crime that will live in infamy!
    [Chorus:]
    [Ratigan:] Tomorrow evening, our beloved monarch celebrates her
    diamond jubilee. And, with the enthusiastic help of
    our good friend Mr Flaversham, it promises to be a
    night she will never forget. Her last night, and my
    first, as supreme ruler of all mousedom!

    From the brain that brought you the Big Ben Caper
    The head that made headlines in every newspaper
    And wondrous things like the Tower Bridge Job
    That cunning display that made London a sob

    Now comes the real tour de force
    Tricky and wicked, of course
    My earlier crimes were fine for their times
    But now that I'm at it again
    An even grimmer plot has been simmering
    In my great criminal brain

    [Chorus:] Even meaner? You mean it?
    Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?
    You're the best of the worst around
    Oh, Ratigan
    Oh, Ratigan
    The rest fall behind
    To Ratigan
    To Ratigan
    The world's greatest criminal mind

    [Ratigan:] Thank you, Thank you. But it hasn't all been
    champagne and caviar. I've had my share of
    adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate
    detective, Basil of Baker Street. For years, that
    insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans.
    I haven't had a moment's peace of mind. But, all
    that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even
    Basil, can stand in my way! All will bow before
    me!

    [Chorus:] Oh, Ratigan
    Oh, Ratigan
    You're tops and that's that
    To Ratigan
    To Ratigan
    [Bartholomew:] To Ratigan, the world's greatest rat

    [Ratigan:] What was that? What did you call me?
    [Thug 1:] Oh, oh, he didn't mean it, Professor.
    [Thug 2:] I-it was just a slip of the tongue.
    [Ratigan:] I am NOT A RAT!
    [Thug 3:] 'Course you're not. You're a mouse!
    [Thug 4:] Yeah, that's right. Right! A mouse.
    [Thug 5:] Yeah, a big mouse!
    [Ratigan:] SILENCE! Oh, my dear Bartholomew, I'm afraid that
    you've gone and upset me. You know what happens
    when someone upsets me.

    [Bartholomew:] Oh, Ratigan
    Oh, Ratigan
    You're the tops and that's that
    (Oh dear.)
    To Ratigan
    To Ratigan
    To Ratigan, the world's greatest -
    [Felicia:] Meow.
    [Ratigan:] Oh, Felicia, my precious, my baby. Did Daddy's
    little honey bun enjoy her tasty ___?
    [Felicia:] Urp.
    [Ratigan:] I trust there will be no further interruptions?
    And now, as you were singing?

    [Chorus:] Even louder
    We'll shout it!
    No one can doubt what we know you can do
    You're more evil than even you
    Oh, Ratigan
    Oh, Ratigan
    You're one of a kind
    To Ratigan
    To Ratigan
    The world's greatest criminal mind

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