10 am, and I hit the alarm 
It's been 5 short hours since I tied one on 
And on the way to the kitchen for my morning cup 
I gotta run to the can before my bowels erupt 

Grab my knees and howl like a dawg 
I've got a 12 inch long jalapeño log 
You can keep that Thai, yeah I think I'll pass 
I ain't got a week to nurse my ass!!! 

I just want a normal stool! 
Hey, hey, hey, heinous anus! 

I've been on the throne all day 
I can't face the world in any other way 
Help me out, 
I wanna be someone who 
Doesn't start the morning with a molten poo!!! 

I don't want this screaming hoop!!! 
Hey, hey, hey, heinous anus!