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    Mary Long is a hypocrite
    She does all the things that she tells us not to do
    Selling filth from a corner shop
    And knitting patterns to the high street queue
    She paints roses, even makes them smell good
    And then she draws titties on the khazy wall
    Drowns kittens just to get a thrill
    And writes sermons in the Sunday Chronicle

    How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ?
    When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ?

    Mary told Johnny not to write such trash
    Said it was a waste of public money
    She made a fuss, they made apologies
    But everybody thought the show was funny
    When the nation knew you'd had children
    It came as such a surprise
    We really didn't know you'd had it in you
    How you did it we can only surmise

    How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ?
    When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ?

    Mary Long, you're not alone
    But you're a long way behind our times
    What we do in full frontal view
    Is more honest than your clean-up mind
    What I'm saying, Mary Long is
    When you can spare a minute
    Go find your friend the porny Lord
    Dig your self a hole and jump in it

    How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ?
    When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ?


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