I'm not dead
I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet
I'm sick of saying
That I still don't have anything done
I hate telling friends
I'm trying something just to give it up

I'm still unsure of my emotional state
I'm still incapable of focusing lately
I don't feel like creating
I'm tired of asking google
How to find motivation
I don't think I've ever made something
That's as good as I'm capable of

I hate not having a reason to look my best
I only ever take care of myself
With the intent to show the internet
If what made me successful
Was an imposed sense of stress then
I am so so glad that I hated myself

I didn't luck into this position
I struggle with decisions
I wouldn't be my own friend
I'm too inconsistent
Without immense pressure
Nothing ever gets finished
If these words make it
To your ears it'll be a fucking miracle

I'm fortunate to know more
Good people than most do
I wish I had more friends
I could be physically close to
I'm pretty good at like
20 Different skill sets
At the expense of never
Being great at any one of them

I wish this beat hit harder
I wish more syllables rhymed
I know 99 percent of people really don't mind
I think collaborating forced
Me to finish things 'cause
I was terrified of wasting
Famous people's time

I wish I could focus on
What I define priority
I wish I was as grateful as I want to be
I wish I knew more people
Who were mentally stable
But if I did, I wouldn't let them waste
Their time on me while I'm disabled

I feel alone
I know I'm not
I used to talk to lots of people
Lately I've stopped
They didn't deserve it
I've been a terrible friend
I couldn't bear to let myself
Become boring to them

I don't let myself get my hopes up
I love people who do
Ah, I never know if
What I say I feel is the truth
I wish I didn't instinctively try
To be less specific
So more people could relate
When they read along with the lyrics

I can be happy in the moment
I am not when I reflect
I distract myself with gaming
Waiting to get better
I hate it

I wanna do the most good
And prevent the most hurt
But I've gotta put
On my own oxygen mask first

I can't predict what I'll do
I can never be sure
I am terrified of making promises any more
I can't face my work
I feel sick from the word
I genuinely believe
I'm capable of changing the world

I still think I can get better
I still think I can create
And get pleasure from it
I'll keep aiming to make
My emotion and my logic agree
And become the best version of me

I don't want to stop