I saw it advertised one day, Bear Mountain picnic was comin' my way. "Come along 'n' take a trip, We'll bring you up there on a ship. Bring the wife and kids Bring the whole family." Yippee!
Well, I run right down 'n' bought a ticket To this Bear Mountain Picnic. But little did I realize I was in for a picnic surprise. Had nothin' to do with mountains. I didn't even come close to a bear.
Took the wife 'n' kids down to the pier, Six thousand people there, Everybody had ticket for the trip. "Oh well." I said, "it's a pretty big ship. Besides, anyway, the more the merrier."
Well, we all got on 'n' what d'ya think, That big old boat started t' sink More people kept a-pilin' on, That old ship was a-slowly goin' down. Funny way t' start a picnic.
Well, I soon lost track of m' kids 'n' wife, So many people there I never saw in m' life That old ship sinkin' down in the water, Six thousand people tryin' t' kill each other, Dogs a-barkin', cats a-meowin', Women screamin', fists a-flyin', babies cryin', Cops a-comin', me a-runnin'. Maybe we just better call off the picnic.
I got shoved down 'n' pushed around, All I could hear there was a screamin' sound, Don't remember one thing more, Just remember walkin' up on a little shore, Head busted, stomach cracked, Feet splintered, I was bald, naked. . . Quite lucky to be alive though.
Feelin' like I climbed outa m' casket, I grabbed back hold of m' picnic basket. Took the wife 'n' kids 'n' started home, Wishin' I'd never got up that morn.
Now, I don't care just what you do, If you wanta have a picnic, that's up t' you. But don't tell me about it, I don't wanta hear it, 'Cause, see, I just lost all m' picnic spirit. Stay in m' kitchen, have m' own picnic. . . In the bathroom.
Now, it don't seem to me quite so funny What some people are gonna do f'r money. There's a bran' new gimmick every day Just t' take somebody's money away. I think we oughta take some o' these people And put 'em on a boat, send 'em up to Bear Mountain . . . For a picnic.