Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer We're a notorious couple of cats As knockabout clowns, quick-change comedians Tight-rope walkers and acrobats We have an extensive reputation We make our home in Victoria Grove This is merely our centre of operation For we are incurably given to rove
We are very well known in Cornwall Gardens In Launceston Place and in Kensington Square We have really a little more reputation Than a couple of cats can very well bear
If the area window is found ajar And the basement looks like a field of war If a tile or two comes loose on the roof (Which presently fails to be waterproof) If the drawers are pulled out from the bedroom chest And you can't find one of your winter vests If after supper one of the girls Suddenly misses her Woolworth pearls The family will say, "It's that horrible cat! It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!" And most of the time they leave it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have a very unusual gift of the gab We are highly efficient cat burglars as well And remarkably smart at a smash and grab We make our home in Victoria Grove We have no regular occupation We are plausible fellows who like to engage A friendly policeman in conversation
When the family assembles for Sunday dinner With their minds made up that they won't get thinner On Argentine joint, potatoes and greens And the cook will appear from behind the scenes And say in a voice that is broken with sorrow, "I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow! For the joint has gone from the oven like that!" The family will say, "It's that horrible cat! It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!" And most of the time they leave it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have a wonderful way of working together And some of the time you would say it was luck And some of the time you would say it was weather We go through the house like a hurricane And no sober person could take his oath Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer? Or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?
And when you hear a dining room smash Or up from the pantry there comes a loud crash Or down from the library there comes a loud ping From a vase that was commonly said to be Ming The family will say: "Now which was which cat? It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer!" And there's nothing at all to be done about that!