When my liquor cabinet is empty
And the local package store is closed
I am paid a visit by an enemy
And the s.o.b. goes by bully jones
He loves showing up out of nowhere
And getting under my skin
The sad thing is he's going to stay there
If I don't score again

Bully Jones Bully Jones Bully Jones
Someday I'm gonna beat him
He'll kill me if I don't
But until I can defeat him
I'll keep on getting stoned
Bully Jones Bully Jones Bully Jones

Big bad dude sure ain't very pretty
His ugly is awfully hard to take
He looks just like a cold turkey
With a real bad case of the shakes
He don't pick on men his own size
He knows he can't win with those
He likes us pale and sick guys
Who are only skin and bones

Bully Jones Bully Jones Bully Jones
Someday I'm gonna beat him
He'll kill me if I don't
But until I can defeat him
I'll keep on getting stoned
Bully Jones Bully Jones Bully Jones

I got some good friends who tie off
And some who tie one on
And just like me they have all lost
The fight with bully jones

Bully Jones Bully Jones Bully Jones
Someday I'm gonna beat him
He'll kill me if I don't
But until I can defeat him
I'll keep on getting stoned
Bully Jones Bully Jones Bully Jones