I make up all the words to this song every time we play it
Nobody ever pays attention to the lyrics anyway
3.5 inches is embarrassing to some, but it will be hell for you
3.5 inches of hard r, triumphantly displayed

Every week, I'm in a vodka parade
Drunk dialing, my life's true calling
I'm a shark, you're china
Tearing up your body with my band of zombas
And if I get parched, I drink 15 Dr. Peps

3.5 inches is embarrassing to some, but it will be hell for you
3.5 inches of hard r, grab your ankles and kiss your ass goodbye!