..::Jack Black (Narrator)::..

A long ass fuckin' time ago,

In a town called Kickapoo,

There lived a humble family

Religious through and through.

But, yeah, there was a black sheep

And he knew just what to do.

His name was young J.B. and he refused to step in-line.

A vision, he did see it

Fuckin' rockin' all the time.

He wrote a tasty jam and all the planets did align.

..::Jack Black (Son)::..

Oh, the dragon's balls were blazin' as I stepped into his cave,

Then I sliced his fuckin' cockles,

With a long and shiny blade!

'Twas I who fucked the dragon,

Fuckalize sing-fuckaloo!

And if you try to fuck with me,

Then I shall fuck you too!

Gotta get it on in the party zone!

I got to shoot a load in the party zone!

Gotta lick a toad in the party zone!

Gotta suck a chode in the party zone!

[Crying]

..::Meat Loaf (Father)::..

You disobeyed my orders, son,

Why were you ever born?

Your brother's ten times better than you,

Jesus loves him more.

This music that you've played for us comes from the depths of hell.

Rock and roll's The Devil's work, he wants you to rebel.

You'll become a mindless puppet;

Beelzebub will pull the strings!

Your heart will lose direction,

And chaos it will bring.

You better shut your mouth,

you better watch your tone!

You're grounded for a week with no telephone!

Don't let me hear you cry,

Don't let me hear you moan!

You gotta praise The Lord when you're in my home!

..::Jack Black (Son)::..

Dio, can you hear me?

I am lost and so alone.

I'm asking for your guidance.

Would you come down from your throne?

I need a tight compadre who will teach me how to rock.

My father thinks you're evil,

But, man, he can suck a cock.

Rock is not The Devil's work,

It's magical and rad

I'll never rock as long as I am stuck here with my dad.

..::Ronnie James Dio (Dio poster)::..

I hear you, brave young Jables,

You are hungry for the rock.

But to learn the ancient method,

Sacred doors you must unlock.

Escape your father's clutches,

And this oppressive neighborhood.

On a journey you must go,

To find the land of Hollywoooooooood!

In The City of Fallen Angels,

Where the ocean meets the sand,

You will form a strong alliance,

And the world's most awesome band.

To find your fame and fortune,

Through the valley you must walk.

You will face your inner demons.

Now go my son and rooooooooock!

..::Jack Black (Narrator)::..

So he bailed from fucking Kickapoo With hunger in his heart;

And he journeyed far and wide to find the secrets of his art;

But in the end he knew that he would find his counterpart.

Rooooock. Rah-ha-ha-ha-hock. Ro-hoh-hoh-hey-yeah-hey-yeah-hey-fuck-yeah-hey-fuck-yeah-hey-fuck-yeah-hoh-roooock.