I like glitter and sparkly dresses
But I'm not gonna talk about that
In my monologue
I like baking and things that smell like winter
But I'm not gonna talk about that
In my monologue

La la la
La la la

I like writing songs about douchebags who cheat on me
But I'm not gonna say that
In my monologue
I like writing their names into songs so they're
ashamed to go in public
But I'm not gonna say that
In my monologue

La la, la la la la la
This is my musical monologue

You might think I'd bring up Joe
That guy who broked up with me on the phone
But I'm not gonna mention him
In my monologue
"-Hey joe! I'm doin' real well! "
Tonight I'm hosting SNL
But I'm not gonna brag about that
In my monologue

La la la
ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
ha ha ha
La la la

And if you're wondering if I might be dating
the werewolf from Twilight
(Inaudible: -Hi Taylor! Send a kiss and wink)
I'm not gonna comment on that
In my monologue

La la, la
La la la la
This is my musical monologue

You might be expecting me to say
Something bad about Kanye
And how he ran up on the stage
And ruined my VMA monologue
(pause *take a deep breath)
But there's nothing more to say
Cause everything's OK
I've got security lining the stage
It's my SNL monologue

La la, la
la la la la
This is my SNL monologue

La la, la
la la la la
That was my SNL monologue