Oh baby, I really hate to call you baby
I'd rather call you by your real name
Well, actually, I'd rather not talk to you at all
Oh baby, I'd rather be with Hermione
I know you're jealous of her, aren't you?
Well, actually, I don't care if you mind

Because Lavender Brown, you're going down
You may be hot, but Hermione's hotter
I'm the Gryffindor king, but you can't share my crown
Hermione's great, and the problem's you're not her

Oh baby, I know you're pretty fun to snog
But only snogging's kind of boring
And I'm sorta worried that you'll give me an STD
Oh baby, I hate the way you call me "won-won"
And the lame necklace you gave me
I'll be happier when you are gone

Because Lavender Brown, you're going down
You may be hot, but Hermione's hotter
I'm the Gryffindor king, but you can't share my crown
Hermione's great, and your problem's you're not her

So stop following me, stop giving me hickies
I'm sick of your face, and I'm not taking the mickey

Because Lavender Brown, you're going down
You may be hot, but Hermione's hotter
I'm the Gryffindor king, but you can't share my crown
Hermione's great, don't forget that you're not her

I love you, Hermione!!