(Kinky Friedman, Major Boles, Roscoe West)

Well, I pulled into Dallat on a cold December day
Bought coffee and a doughnut at the Greasy Spoon Café,
Spied me a pretty young waitret standing by her tray,
But she couldn’t believe her sweet young ears when the waitret heard me say:

Oh, waitret, please, waitret, come sit down on my fate,
Eatin’ ain’t cheatin’, Lord it ain’t no disgrace.
Oh, bring me a Lone Star, make it a case
And waitret, please, waitret, come sit down on my fate.

Well, I walked up to the jukebox feeling kind of mean,
The waitret said, “Hey, stupid, that's a cigarette machine!”
“Well, look-a here, young waitret, would you care to make a bet,
And if that there ain’t a jukebox, you can smoke my cigarette!”

Oh, waitret, please, waitret, come sit down on my fate,
Eatin’ ain’t cheatin’, Lord it ain’t no disgrace.
Oh, bring me a Lone Star, make it a case
And waitret, please, waitret, come sit down on my fate.

You’re the prettiest thing in Dallat, is Dallat your home ?
No, I come all the way from Houton and I feel so all alone.
I used to live in Autin then I come up to big D
In hopes to get my big break on national TV.

Honey, I think I have what it takes to make you a star — but first ...

Oh, waitret, please, waitret, come sit down on my fate,
Eatin’ ain’t cheatin’, Lord it ain’t no disgrace.
Oh, bring me a Lone Star, make it a case
And waitret, please, waitret, come sit down on my fate.