I can see it in your eyes, girl
That you're in the mood for love
So I light some candles,
Pour some wine
Come, sit down on the rug.
But there's something
I must tell you, babe...
Before we take this step... Something about me girl
That you do not know yet...

I have no penis!
It was torn off...
In a bicycle accident in 1999
I also lost one testicle
So all have is a weird uni-ball and a rubber tube
Between my legs.
But, babe, I can love you in a different ways...

I'll make love to you with the rubber tube that I use for urinating
I'll just tape two popsicle sticks around it to make it esier for penetrating
And having only one ball
Isn't always a bad thing
It's like a pool ball in a pillow case
It's like a cherry on the sundae

'Cause, girl, I have no penis
I have no cock!
If it looks like i have a ball
It's just 'cause I stuffed it with a sock
Girl, I know that you're afraid
But I promise, baby, if you stay...
I'll put a cucumber in the microwave
And then, I'll love you in different...
ways.

Just because I don't have a cock,
It doesn't mean I can't rock.
(3x)

Don't be fooled by my leck of a cock
I'm still trying to fill the block hole ohhh yeahhhhh!