Johnny's mom was worried
She caught him in the bathroom
With a copy of GQ
The men's fall fashion issue
So she called her pastor
The respected Reverend Bean
Who after a minute of silence
Said, "I'll pray for thee"
Johnny's dad was absent
At another men's convention
For Christian men who need to learn
To be better dads
Johnny's mom kept quiet
About her son's sin
Afraid that Dad would beat
The holy shit out of him

Under the disco ball
Another child will fall
Under the spell of leather
And the big kick drum

They have a scheme
They have a plan
To take the children of our land
Turn them into stylists
And women who play golf