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    "Who does she think she is?
    That girl has tangled with the wrong man!
    No one says "no" to Gaston!"

    "Heh heh. Darn right."

    Publicly humiliated!
    Why, it's more than I can bear."

    "More beer?"

    "What for?
    Nothing helps.
    I'm disgraced."

    "Who, you? Never!
    Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together."

    Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
    Looking so down in the dumps
    Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
    Even when taking your lumps
    There's no man in town as admired as you
    You're everyone's favorite guy
    Everyone's awed and inspired by you
    And it's not very hard to see why

    No one's slick as Gaston
    No one's quick as Gaston
    No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
    For there's no man in town half as manly
    Perfect, a pure paragon
    You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
    And they'll tell you whose team
    They prefer to be on

    No one's been like Gaston
    A king pin like Gaston

    No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

    As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating

    My what a guy, that Gaston
    Give five "hurrahs!"
    Give twelve "hip-hips!"

    Gaston is the best
    And the rest is all drips

    No one fights like Gaston
    Douses lights like Gaston
    In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston

    For there's no one as burly and brawny

    As you see I've got biceps to spare

    Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

    That's right!
    And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

    No one hits like Gaston
    Matches wits like Gaston

    In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston

    I'm espcially good at expectorating

    Ten points for Gaston!

    When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
    Every morning to help me get large
    And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
    So I'm roughly the size of a barge

    No one shoots like Gaston
    Makes those beauts like Gaston

    Then goes tromping around
    Wearing boots like Gaston

    I use antlers in all of my decorating

    Say it again
    Who's a man among men?
    And then say it once more
    Who's the hero next door?
    Who's a super success?
    Don't you know? Can't you guess?
    Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
    There's just one guy in town
    Who's got all of it down

    And his name's G-A-S...


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