The count has an eye on his ankle
and lives in a horrible place
He wants all your money
He's never at all funny
He wants to remove your face!
And you might be thinking, What a romp this is!
But wait till you meet his accomplices

When you see Count Olaf you're suddenly full of
disgust and despair and dismay
In the whole of the soul of Count Olaf there's no love
When you see Count Olaf, count to zero
Then, scream and run away

Scream, scream, scream and run away
Run run run run run run run
Or die, die die die die die die die
Run run run run run run run
Or die, die die die die die die die die die die

Two women with powdered white faces
And one long-nosed bald man with warts
Things worsen and worsen
As a hook-handed person
And others with nastier parts
This evil and unpleasant crew
Complete Count Olaf's acting troupe
The goal of Count Olaf is getting control of
The fortunes of urchins and orphans alike
I mean horrors, Count Olaf is no laughing matter
When you see Count Olaf count to zero

Then scream and run away
Scream, scream, scream and run away
Run run run run run run run
Or die, die die die die die die die
Run run run run run run run
Or die, die die die die die die die die die die