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    Playing pool and drinking beer
    Nothin more'n the
    occasional tear
    But this man's life goes on
    and he gets
    greased all over
    from time to time
    At the strip joint, where we met
    He said 'Hi, my name is Ted
    See that one over there
    That ball of thunder
    Every time she goes Vavoom,
    I wiggle in my chair
    Can I buy you a beer?
    What a guy

    'I've had a few myself' he said
    'But I never quit when I'm ahead
    Too many rules and regulations
    Stupid laws designed by fools behind closed doors
    And another thing I won't discuss is religion
    It always causes a fight
    Vavoom
    There she goes again
    'How does she do that' said Ted

    And he told me
    of those unjustices (that)
    He had suffered in his life
    His wife and kids
    and boss and dogs
    and neighbours
    Raising cain and causing strife
    They were forever whining
    Bleating howling yapping screeching moaning crying
    Vavoom
    He fed them well
    He keep them warm

    Thing about Ted
    he didn't really care
    Nothing much got in his hair
    and the beauty of it was
    that he was right
    He was big as a truck
    and fast as a door
    (what's that?)
    he was always right

    The banjo player took a hike
    What's that song
    I used to like
    Vavoom
    He was big as a truck
    Fast as a door - Ted
    Ted the man our Ted


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