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Deep In The Heart Of Nowhere

Bob Schneider


The bars at night, are always bare
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I’ve got a flat, but i ain’t got no spare
Deep in the heart of nowhere
The passing cars, don’t seem to care
Deep in the heart of nowhere
They’re giving me the finger, i say whate’er
Deep in the heart of nowhere
My girlfriend looks like the possesed linda blair
Deep in the heart of nowhere
She says i ain’t got no savoir faire
Deep in the heart of nowhere
My life is like a blank questionaire
Deep in the heart of nowhere
And i don’t have clean underwear
Deep in the heart of nowhere
The girl’s i meet are like frigidaires
Deep in the heart of nowhere
My hemoroids they bleed and tear
Deep in the heart of nowhere
Feel like i’m sitting on an electric chair
Deep in the heart of nowhere
Jangly glass all in my brain
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I’m falling down the stairs again
Deep in the heart of nowhere
Tried to march to a different drummer but i got no snare
Deep in the heart of nowhere
The hand i was dealt was for solitaire
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I met a girl who was hearing impaired
Deep in the heart of nowhere
She called me up and said,”unghuuuunghaahhhungh”
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I got bursitus because i can’t afford healthcare
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I go to bars dressed like a woman
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I made love to a woman in delaware
Deep in the heart of nowhere
My balls swelled up to the size of pairsd
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I thought it was haircream but it turned out to be nair
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I’m not only the president i’m also a member
Deep in the heart of nowhere
Idon’t have to make every single line rhyme
I’m secure enough in my rhyming ability
If pennies were pain i’d be a millionaire
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I fucked my grandma for her medicare
Deep in the heart of nowhere
My girlfriends fucking my best friend larr
Deep in the heart of nowhere
She said she was going out to get a pack of smokes
That was fifteen years ago
My girlfriend was round but i didn’t care
Deep in the heart of nowhere
When she sat on my face i couldn’t even hear the stereo
De janaro
My names floyd but my kids call me gar(y)
Deep in the heart of nowhere

I took my girlfriend down to the abortion clinic where all the fundamentalist christian right to lifers were barracading the place by chaining their naked sweaty bodies to the glass doors while they were being severely beaten to within inches of their lives by overaggressive baton wielding on and off duty police officers because they believed in their heart of hearts that all life was is and always will be sacred but when they saw me and my girlfriend walking up the driveway they all parted and said,”you’re in there!”

Deep in the heart of nowhere

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