Alix Olson
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Checking My Pulse

Alix Olson


Your face crept
into that space
between my reflex and my resolve
kinda like the crevice you don’t notice
til it takes down the damn wall.

and now we are sitting in the window
your forehead is red-hot and touching my knee
and I am checking my pulse,
making sure it hasn’t quit on me.

and I’m sorry if you’re thinking that I knew
what I was doing
I guess what I do best is look like I am in control
but tonight, tonight, I am a soft and untamed thing
and I will wrap my breath around you til your exhale comes clean.
I am checking my pulse
I am checking my pulse.

you are the buried penny at the bottom of the pool
so I guess that makes me the fool diving deep for you
I’ll stick you in my pocket
all shiny, all precious, and all not mine
a hidden, forbidden treasure
baby, you’re the worst kind.
cause underneath the surface, all things loom larger
so I’m searching for your edges
to fish you up, ship you up out of the water
and you are that sweet wish that she’s thrown
I would have caught you in the air, girl, had I known.

and now the space between these bodies
surpasses the sum of its parts
so I am crawling in-between these moments
balancing words hoping I don’t get stuck.
and I was just thinking ‘distraction’
now I’m thinking distraction’s a relative thing
cause I was casually splashing
and now I’m a casualty slowly sinking.

cause in hot water, my brain just kinda puckers up
and I’m drowning jaws wide open now cause my mouth
it just won’t seem to shut.
and you might just be a shiny thing
but you are the shiny thing I am pursuing
and when I said "you talk too much"
it was cause there was stuff I’d rather you’d have been doing.

and then you take my breath
I say "hey, I need that to get back to the top"
"but we’re beautiful down here", you say
"you know, girl
the world won’t stop".
and we are sitting in the window
your forehead is red-hot and touching my knee
and I am checking my pulse
making sure it hasn’t quit on me.

I am just checking my pulse
making sure it hasn’t quit on me
I am just checking my pulse
making sure she hasn’t quit on me
yet.

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